Sometimes I cry

Marriage is wonderful. The other night I came home feeling awful. My head hurt so bad I thought it might explode. I am sure that Anthony wasn't planning on me going to bed when I came home but that is exactly what I did. I came in, took my shoes off, and hopped into bed. Instead of being upset that I wasn't spending time with him, Anthony got me Ibuprofen and let me sleep it off while he folded laundry and made dinner. He woke me up a little later to tell me that dinner was ready. My head ache was gone and I went out to a delicious homemade soup. It is times like these that make me wonder what I ever did without him. With this kind of report I am sure there are other newlyweds wondering, "what is wrong with us? Why isn't it that good for us all of the time." For any who may be thinking this I just though I would let you know that it isn't always like this for us either. I cry. Last night I cried A LOT. Not because of anything Anthony did. I cried about all of the worries that I have big or small, I cried about not being perfect and sometimes hurting him, I cried because I don't know how everything is going to happen. Sometimes I say the wrong things or don't do things right and it is hard to think that my imperfections now effect someone else so much. When you are single your mistakes are your own. Sure they effect your family and friends on occasion but with a husband it is different. As a married couple you share everything. Even the pain. That doesn't mean that it isn't worth it. In fact, it is exactly the opposite. Sometimes Anthony tells me that he doesn't want it to be easy. I look at him like he is crazy but I understand. It is getting through those things together that make it worth it. So I don't know if anyone will read this, especially someone who is in the same place as I am but I just thought if someone did, it would be nice for them to know that they are not alone. Every couple struggles, everyone cries sometimes.

Spiritual Dates

Anthony and I have decided that Family Home evening is like having a spiritual date for us right now. I love it! He had the good idea to keep a fhe journal and write down the things that we learned a resources we used on our spiritual adventures. We will be able to look back and see the things that we have studied together. It is working out really well so far. In addition to the lesson material we write down a family goal for the week that we will talk about the next week and follow up on it. I am so happy to be getting into this habit before we have children. I know that our home will be a happier place as long as we continue to do this.

Last night our activity after Family home evening was to play Settlers of Catan (which we got ourselves for Christmas) and we discovered how competitive we both are. I was so close to winning and at the last minute Anthony took all my wood cards, built 4 roads, and stole my longest road card giving him two more victory points for the win. I was so upset I starting throwing our laundry at him. (I was playing of course :) Then we got in a "battle" about who was the most competitive. It was pretty funny. This morning I told him that I am determined to loose the battle and be the least competitive. I thought it was a good plan until he pointed out that I was being competitive about not being competitive. Hmph. I guess I can't win.

Christmas Clean up

Wow, what a holiday! It is so interesting getting used to two families for the holidays. One thing that I have learned is that no matter how alike you think your families are holdays are still different. I am used to spending the whole time with my family including my brother who came up from Phoenix. Having more people that want my attention was hard and wonderful. I have to say that even with the adjustment it was the best Christmas that I have ever had! Hands down! I may have a hard time being split between two families but there are two reasons to be very happy. Number one, I love his family and love spending time with them so while it is different it isn't at all painful like some people claim of their in laws. Number two, when going back and forth between places I was always with MY family, Anthony! No matter where I am he is my family now and THAT makes it the best Christmas EVER!

Christmas Eve

This has been a very different holiday season from the past years, a better different except in one thing. Anthony and I missed Thanksgiving. Well we didn't miss it, we actually had a lot of fun on Thanksgiving. We went to Sea World and had pizza and mozzarella sticks while watching the Bourne Ultimatum. (I'm not kidding) The thing that we did miss was all of the focus on gratitude and sharing what you are grateful for. I kind of like those corny lists of thankfulness, so, I decided to do a Christmas Eve thankful list to make up for our Thanksgiving break.

Here goes:

I am thankful for so many thing in my life. Now more then ever since I have a wonderful husband. In fact, I think the first part of my list will be things I am grateful for in my marriage.

Anthony is...patient (I have a lot of quirks so this has been tested), assertive (that may sound funny but I am always impressed by how he deals with people), helpful (when I am overwhelmed he sometimes tells me to lay down and when I get up he has cleaned everything, don't be too jealous everyone), righteous (I love watching him give blessings and pray), smart (knows Japanese, sign language, and gets all A's in school), understanding (he listens to the same worries over and over again but dosen't tell me they are stupid or get frustrated with me), he loves road trips, singing, piano, his family and mine, school, and racquetball. Oh and did I mention he is the best looking man around. Must have slipped my mind. =D*

I am also thankful for the generosity of those in our lives who contributed to our new life together. My family helped so much with the planning, set up, take down, moral support, and finances of the wedding. His family was always supportive and helped so much (our luncheon was amazing!). All the friends and family that helped with showers and at the reception. Last but not least all of those who gave us amazingly generous gifts. I don't know what we would do without them. We are so blessed to have good jobs as well. Anthony has a scholarship for school and I have half tuition, his parents gave us a car, our apartment was listed at over $700 a month but we pay $569, and our family and friends moved us into our apartment while we were gone. I could go on but I think that you get the point. Heavenly Father has helped and supported us through this change in life and I am so grateful for the love I feel from him everyday.

I know this is getting long but no list such as this would be complete without expressing gratitude for the Savior. It is his birthday celebration tomorrow and I am unable to express the gratitude I feel for him in my heart. As part of this recent change in my life I was able to attend the temple, his house, and feel the joy and love that is there. I was able to be sealed to my Anthony forever all because of the Savior. He touches every aspect of my life included ALL of the blessings listed above. He is the Son of God, the Savior of the World, my big brother and best friend. I am so grateful to know that he can get me through anything, big or small, and bring me back to him.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

*This list is in no way exhaustive.

First Christmas

Since Anthony and I didn't start dating until June and got married that next November, we haven't had a Christmas as a couple yet. Well, now Christmas is day after tomorrow and I am trying hard to apply some of the wisdom that I recently learned. You see, I want everything to be perfect. I wanted to get Anthony the perfect gifts, have my presents all wrapped, get cute things for his stocking, have an immaculate apartment with no more boxes to unpack, I wanted to have presents under the tree weeks ago. I also wanted to be in perfect health and have lots of energy for both families as well as our new little family. Sometimes things don't go the way you had planned. As it is none of my present are wrapped. In fact they aren't even all in the same house. Two of them are also going to have to wait until after Christmas. Sad. Are house still isn't all the way unpacked and I have a cold. As for present under the tree, there are three, one for his sister one for his dad, and one for Grandma, all not wrapped. Wow. Now for the lesson that I am trying to apply. When we had our reception I was so worried that it wasn't ready, things weren't going to go right, or no one was going to come. Well, in this case, I was right in some cases. We forgot napkins, our punch was orange instead of yellow, my dress was dirty, I paid $400 for a cake no one ate...the list goes one. BUT it was wonderful! I know that as the years go by all of those things that didn't quite get done or cost us more than we anticipated will fade and become completely unimportant if not invisible. On the other hand the feelings that I had and the joy that I felt will not fade. I think feelings stick more than things. That will be the way this Christmas is too! I can't be stressed or that will be what I remember. I will just let myself feel the joy!

Ready, Set, BLOG

I don't really know what possessed me to do this; I am not really the blogging type. Even as I write that though I wonder, how many other blogs have started that way. Probably more than I would care to know about. I just thought that I would try it out and see what happened. I don't even know if I will give the URL out to anyone. Maybe it will be just me reading and writing about me. Heaven knows I am not interesting enough to have followers. I guess we will see what happens.