Turning it over to the Lord

For anyone who really knows me you won't be surprised when I tell you that I worry. A lot. I have all my life and sometimes it is paralyzing. (Heaven help me when I have kids!) I do this thing that Anthony has dubbed as "circling" where I go over things in my head over and over again. Lately I have done that a lot! The world is so confusing sometimes and it seems that everyone has different stories and motivations and how am I suppose to figure all of that out? How in the world can we make plans or know what is going to happen? Well...we don't. Yea, so, even as I write that I feel a little terrified. What if? what if? what if? That has always been my favorite question. Least favorite question? hmmm, I am not sure which. I just know that I ask it a lot.

Is there hope for a person like me? Someone who over analyzes EVERYTHING? Yes, I say there is. Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to the temple by myself. (I have only ever gone with Anthony.) It was a really good experience for me. Heavenly Father wasn't able to tell me that all of my plans would work out and that everything would be fine. Not at all. He just told me to stop circling and trust him. And why shouldn't I? He has always taken care of me before! So, as a note to myself: Rose, knock it off!!! You won't always know what is going on or what is going to happen but you will most likely keep breathing. If not, you will go home. Stop trying to be perfect NOW and understand everything. You have tried enough times that you should know that you aren't going to do it. Not now anyway.

That is all....

SUNBURNS and a Husband who loves you

I haven't written in a while and although I daresay no one has missed my in the blogosphere, I have missed the bogosphere. So there. I should write more often. It helps me put things into perspective.

Since I last wrote I have turned 22, taking a wonderful vacation to St. George and Zions with my wonderful Anthony, and oh yeah, got called to be the Young Woman's president in my ward. Yikes! Well, at least about the last one, but lets take things one day at a time.

22 feels like 21. Hmmmm That was exciting.

Now the more interesting stuff. Anthony decided that for my birthday he would take me down to St. George and Zions National park over Memorial day weekend! We ate at some great restaurants, went to the St. George temple, watched movies, played games, hiked in Zions, WENT HORSEBACK RIDING (I can still feel that one!), and went swimming. It was so fun. I am so lucky to have Anthony. One recommendation from our trip though, USE SUNSCREEN! You might be in extreme pain if you neglect this essential item! I am a witness!

About being a Young Woman's president. I was the last one in the world that thought I would be called to such a position being so young. I couldn't believe it when the bishop told me. In some ways I still don't understand what I am going to be able to do for the girls in this ward but I do know that the Lord has called me and so I will do my best. I am sure that I will offend someone along the way but I have faith that Heavenly Father can even make my dumb mistakes better. Thank goodness for that.

Update

Well, this can't be long, I am to busy cleaning (or at least I should be). I just thought I should update anyone who may read this every once in a while. I am alive. Yes, even after heart surgery. It was pretty painless. In fact staying in the hospital for the next 30 hours was a lot more painful than surgery. Luckily I had Anthony who stayed with me on that awful hospital couch. Hooray for wonderful husbands!!! It would have been really weird being there all alone. Since the surgery I have been feeling much better in regards to headaches and such. WHAT A RELIEF!!! Anyone who reads this and has apparently unsolvable migraines should see if they have a hole in their heart. Well, actually, first they should get good insurance and THEN they should see if they have a hole in their heart. Promise, saving $25,000 is SO worth the insurance premium! ;)

Happy and Scared (Sappy?)

It is amazing how somethings sneak up on you and change all of your plans. Apparently health is something that can do that really well. These past few months have been the best of my life. After all, I did get married to my favorite person! However, they have also been the hardest. I have had to deal with headaches basically everyday and with migraines every few days. Turns out that after all of the poking, prodding, and testing that I have a hole in my heart. Ta Da! I had an EKG done on Monday (more poking and prodding) and they called yesterday with the results. It was a hard and a relieving moment when I heard what had been found. Relieving because maybe it will fix my head BUT on the other hand it might not. There is no guarantee that sealing the hole will improve my headaches. The other downside obviously being surgery. After crying and allowing myself to be scared a little I feel like there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. The problem is I don't want to hope too much. What if it really doesn't fix anything? What if I still have all the pain on top of the medical bills?

"What do you think about........?"

I am beyond excited for Spring! I usually love winter but the last few months have been crazy and I am needing some outside time. Hiking, biking, rollerblading, going on walks again! It all sounds wonderful! Anthony and I decided that we need a vacation so for spring break we are going down to St. George for 4 days. It will be nice to get away from school and work. I am sure that during the drive we will play the game we made up on our honeymoon. We like to call it "What do you think about.......?" The rules are that we take turns asking what the other person thinks about something and the other person has to answer. We ended up with anything from hilarious to eternally important. Someones asked me, "shouldn't you have done that before you where married?" But really, who knows EVERYTHING about their spouse when they get married. For instance, I had no idea how he felt about billboards before, now I know. I definitely recommend this game to any couple that still feels like there is uncharted territory out there. Who knows what you will dig up? The trick is to be honest and nonjudgmental in case anything serious does happen to come up. On those silly question, goofy is fun and it makes the car ride go by so fast!

Holes

Sometimes I feel like drilling a hole in my head to relieve the pressure. Gruesome I know but I have to be honest. I have had a headache for the last three days and while it isn't a migraine this time the pressure is crazy. In light of the desire to put a hole in my head, I find it somewhat ironic that all of this may be caused by a different hole. Turns out another cause of migraines is having a hole in your heart. You heard me, a hole in your heart. I have been told it isn't bad to fix but my guess is that it is expensive. Who knows? Maybe this is the cause of all my distress. I may as well go and see the cardiologist. Heaven knows that the neurologist wasn't going to be able to find anything. After two clean MRIs I have no idea what he was hoping to accomplish. Off to the heart doctor it is! I guess it will all be worth it if fixing a hole in my heart keeps me from drilling one in my head.

Who needs sleep? Everyone

Have you ever wondered why we need 6-8 hours of sleep in a night? How much easier would life be if we only had to sleep four hours to feel completely rested? I would be able to get more homework done, my apartment would be vacumed all of the time, I could spend more time with Anthony, and I wouldn't be yawning at work. What a life...alas, it is not to be.